Responding to the Authentic Observer's Video on Femininity ♀︎

 

(These are the female and male symbols ♀︎♂︎, otherwise known as the Venus symbol and the Mars symbol. This is where that saying, "Men ♂︎ are from Mars, women ♀︎ are from Venus" comes from.) 

 

I watched a video yesterday by a feminist YouTuber ♀︎ called the Authentic Observer, talking about how society and pop culture is trying to "erase femininity ♀︎," and are trying to make women ♀︎ look and act more like men ♂︎. I watched this video as part of a huge all-day binge of commentary and video essay content on YouTube. I first came across the Authentic Observer when I stumbled upon her video responding to some alpha male guy ♂︎, a red pill content creator who's very sexist and might be involved in some questionable sexual activity, as in sexual crimes. But, allegedly of course. I forgot the name of this alpha male ♂︎ creator was, but he was very much in the vein of Andrew Tate. In fact, the guy was friends with Andrew Tate.

But, anyway, after I started watching that video, I clicked on a couple of her other videos responding to Vaush, a leftist YouTuber who claims to be a male feminist ♂︎♀︎, but said some pretty sexist stuff himself. He's gotten into some other controversy more recently about him possessing child porn or having lolicon type stuff which some would argue is child porn. Someone opened one of his files on his computer, and exposed all of the dirty and perverted stuff he's into.

But, the Authentic Observer made this video way before any of that stuff happened, and her main problem with Vaush was that he was a sexist asshole despite him calling himself a "male feminist ♂︎♀︎," and she used him as an example to prove her thesis that the majority of male feminists ♂︎♀︎ are actually sexist pigs who just want to hold women ♀︎ down.

But, she did make some sort of distinction that when she talks about male feminists ♂︎♀︎, she's talking about the activist types, the ones who make a point about how much they support the feminist cause ♀︎, rather than a casual man ♂︎, who supports feminism ♀︎ and supports equal rights for women ♀︎, but isn't an activist. So, the only good male feminists ♂︎♀︎ in her eyes are the ones who are not active in supporting the cause, just the ones who sit back and let the women ♀︎ do all the work while just being vocally supportive and being in solidarity with women ♀︎. Okay….

That finally brings me to this video that she made where she bemoaned how society doesn't value femininity ♀︎ enough, how society supposedly only values masculinity ♂︎, and how women ♀︎ are supposedly being pressured somehow to be more like men ♂︎. There's a lot of different hot takes in this video. She did say it would be one of her most controversial videos, even though all the comments beneath the video are in agreement with her for the most part. I will admit that I didn't watch her video in whole because it was over an hour long, and I skipped around and tried to get to the most important bits. I don't know if she's ever made a video that was under 40 minutes. It kind of seems like she hasn't. I mean, she's a video essayist, a social and political video essayist, so it wouldn't surprise me.

This was the video that kind of the broke the camel's back for me 🐪, and made me stop supporting her, and watching her videos. I deleted all of the videos I had watched from my YouTube history, and from my browser history because I didn't want to think about them again, or have that mark on me. But, now, I might have to dig it up again for the sake of this blog post. I just couldn't really agree less with the arguments she was making in this video. I don't see any evidence that society is pressuring to be more like men ♂︎ at all. Quite the opposite.

Putting aside the draconian laws that conservatives are trying to put in place in red states here in the United States 🇺🇸 to restrict women ♀︎'s reproductive freedoms, all I see around me is women ♀︎ just being women ♀︎, and doing or talking about typically female things ♀︎ such as cosmetics, fashion, cooking, baking, relationships, gossip, drama, motherhood or lack thereof, and true crime for some reason. Of course, that isn't to say that cooking and baking are exclusively female interests ♀︎, they aren't, and this is part of the point that I'm trying to make. But, cooking, and baking specifically are usually perceived by some people as female interests ♀︎ especially because of the engrained stereotype of the homemaker, of the housewife staying at home, with no job, and only cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the kids (if she and her husband have kids of course).

Even with the nostalgic YouTube content I watch, and the nostalgic YouTube channels I'm subscribed to currently are female majority and female centric ♀︎, talking about things that women ♀︎ who grew up in the 2000s and early 2010s are nostalgic about today, such as Webkins, neopets, Zhu Zhu Pets, Tamagotchis, Mean Girls, High School Musical, GirlsGoGames, etc.. I don't have a problem with this because I like gaining the female perspective ♀︎, and learning what women ♀︎ are nostalgic about. What kind of things were they watching or playing with as kids, while I was into Godzilla, Jurassic Park, King Kong, Star Wars, fighter jets, fighter planes, aliens 👽,  dinosaurs, crocodiles 🐊, sharks 🦈, SpongeBob 🧽, Jimmy Neutron, The Penguins of Madagascar 🐧🇲🇬, Back at the Barnyard, The Fairly OddParents, The Mighty B! 🐝, Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil, among other things?

So, I don't see any sort of phenomenon online or in the real life of women ♀︎ trying to look and act more like men ♂︎. All I see is women ♀︎ being women ♀︎ with pride, while being tied down by traditional gender roles. That's what kind of put me off about the Authentic Observer's video is that it seems to me that despite her calling herself a feminist ♀︎, she wants to return to more traditional gender roles. Like, she talks about women's fashion like dresses, and she talks about motherhood and how motherhood is a cornerstone of femininity ♀︎ that people are shaming or putting down as if it's a bad thing.

Like, it seems to me that she doesn't like it when women ♀︎ choose to be childless or childfree, and don't pursue motherhood. Even though of course, she tried to say that she didn't have a problem with women ♀︎ going childless or childfree, but the way she said was kind of like an offhand sort of thing like she said in a trivial way. It's very similar to what she said about male feminists ♂︎♀︎, where she tries to give a disclaimer and say she isn't generalizing or trying to demonize an entire group, but the way she says it and how quickly she moves on from conveys that she doesn't actually mean it. That she doesn't actually respect childfree women ♀︎. Motherhood is just so important to be a woman ♀︎, right? Of course, I don't think that women ♀︎ who chose to be mothers should be shamed or ridiculed either, but I don't think childfree women ♀︎ would be either. Just let women ♀︎ they make the choices about their bodies and reproduction that they want. That's all I'm saying.

And of course, she complained about how women ♀︎ and how women ♀︎ act in real life and in media, how they're too masculine ♂︎ and sufficiently feminine ♀︎, and how women ♀︎ are just becoming miniature men ♂︎ who are physically weaker. But again, I see no evidence of this, as the majority of women ♀︎ still act and dress like women ♀︎, regardless of what pop culture depicts. And even then, what's the problem? Why can't women ♀︎ be tough, and fight, or wear armor, or wear male type clothing ♂︎?

She was motivated to make this video because she didn't like how the character, Galadriel wore a suit of armor and was depicted as a warrior in the Lord of the Rings Amazon Prime series, The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power. She said that she preferred the character wear a dress and not fight like she did in the Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings trilogy. So, what? What's the problem? She'd probably have to fight at some point, I mean, it seems like a turbulent time in Middle Earth when the show takes place.

And plus, it's a prequel, so maybe, they're showing what she was like before she became the dress wearing pacifist she was in the main Lord of the Rings trilogy, and showing how she got to that point, what made her switch from being an armor wearing warrior to being a dress wearing pacifist. And if that isn't enough for you, then it's a reboot that's set in its own continuity and timeline from the Peter Jackson movies, and is a different take that doesn't erase or invalidate those films. I hate it when people act like remakes or reboots of popular franchises erase or invalidate what came before. It doesn't. They still exist, and you can still read them or watch them if you don't like the current stuff. It's not that hard.

But, as if that wasn't enough, she uses this example to extrapolate other depictions about female characters ♀︎ in movies, TV, books 📖, and video games, and say that they're just trying to make them like men ♂︎ and they aren't acting "feminine ♀︎" enough. While, yes, I will attest to the fact that it is difficult to write a female character ♀︎ in a story who's strong, isn't stereotype, without making her seem like a man ♂︎ but with boobs and a vagina. I've sort of made that mistake in the past when writing female characters ♀︎, and I've tried to avoid making that mistake in the present, even if I haven't been writing in any fiction for the past 5 or 6 years.

I will say also that if I ever made a TV show that had a lot of female characters ♀︎, or predominantly female characters ♀︎, I would hire female writers ♀︎ so that I could gain that female perspective ♀︎ and figure how to write female characters ♀︎ that do feel like females ♀︎. But, none of the examples that she names, or that any of the comments mention or seem to be thinking of made seem to apply to what she's talking about female characters ♀︎ who are too masculine ♂︎ and too much like men ♂︎.

And besides, what's even the problem with women ♀︎ who have more masculine traits ♀︎ or who act or dress boyish? I thought the whole point of feminism ♀︎ was gender equality, and trying to destroy the patriarchy, and remove ridged gender roles and gender norms, not to reinforce them. Women ♀︎ didn't have to do things that are typically female ♀︎, and men didn't have to do things that are typically male ♂︎. Gender is on a spectrum, and nobody perfectly aligns with the normal gender binary. And it seems the Authentic Observer wants to reinforce them, she wants to reinforce those typical ridged gender roles and the ridged gender binary. If she's against women ♀︎ exhibiting typically male traits ♂︎, imagine what she thinks of men ♂︎ exhibiting typically female traits ♀︎. What would she think of crossdressers?

 

(This is the Genderfluidity Pride flag. I'm showing it here because I think it applies to what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about how genderfluid people, who exhibit both male and female traits ♂︎♀︎, or something in-between, and what Authentic Observer thinks of that sort of thing given how much she emphasizes femininity ♀︎, and talks about what separates men ♂︎ from women ♀︎. I also just really like how this flag looks.)

 

 

I don't even know if she's ever made a video about trans people 🏳️‍⚧️, and what her opinion is on that or on genderfluid people. I don't want to make assumptions like she did in her video, but it seems to me that she leans more into the TERF type of feminism ♀︎, the feminism ♀︎ that rejects transgender people 🏳️‍⚧️, rather than intersectional feminism ♀︎ that does accept and include transgender people 🏳️‍⚧️ as well as other LGBTQ+ identities 🏳️‍🌈, and does include race. I mean, it wouldn't surprise me, she is a white British woman 🇬🇧♀︎, specifically a white English woman 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿♀︎.

She seems like the kind of person who doesn't accept or like the idea of women ♀︎ being in typically male dominated professions ♂︎ such as construction 🦺, law enforcement 👮🏻, military 🪖, doctors 🥼, science, athletics, and of course firefighting 👩‍🚒. Why? Because she sees dominance and aggression as male traits ♂︎. Not that you have to be aggressive or dominant to be a firefighter 🧑‍🚒 or a doctor 👩‍⚕️. Maybe, you do if you want to a soldier 🪖 or a police officer 👮🏻 or an athlete, it sort of comes with the territory, but still. I don't buy into the idea that dominance and aggression are inherently male traits ♂︎. They are inherently human traits as both men and women ♂︎♀︎ are capable of being dominant and being aggressive.

There are women ♀︎ out there are typically feminine ♀︎, who wear dresses 👗, who wear makeup, who wear high heels 👠, who have long hair, who are not only very dominant, but can be very aggressive. Sometimes, women ♀︎ can be twice as aggressive as men ♀︎, especially to each other. Like, I'm sure there's some feminine women ♀︎ out there who could easily beat me up if they wanted to. That's why it's not a good idea to mess with women ♀︎ or provoke them in any way. The men ♂︎ that do, do so at their own risk, and probably deserve it, especially if they harass women ♀︎.

The things Authentic Observer says in this video sound like they could easily come out of the mouth of a conservative or a tradwife, minus the overt misogyny. But, maybe the things she's saying here are a bit misogynistic since she's promoting ridged gender roles, or promoting a very specific type of femininity ♀︎ that doesn't fit or apply to every woman ♀︎. And it was very off-putting to me, and made me want to shut off the video.

She also made generalizations about men ♂︎, like she said that there are things that men ♂︎ will never be able to do that women ♀︎, and she said that men ♂︎ are clueless and lack tactfulness. And she used an anecdotal story about how her dad was rude to her and said that she wouldn't fit into a dress she bought, to prove her point that men ♂︎ lack tactfulness and don't want to say to women ♀︎. Imagine if a man ♂︎ had made a similar generalization about women ♀︎, that women ♀︎ are all naggy, or that they're all needy, and then used an anecdotal story to point their point. What her reaction be to that?

Also, in her video on Vaush and male feminists ♀︎ as a whole, she made a joke about being super patriotic about Britain 🇬🇧. Like, she made a "Rule Britannia 🇬🇧" joke, and joked about "having the invader spirit" or something like that. The reason why she made these jokes is that Vaush made fun of her accent, or doubted her accent, saying that her accent was fake. And she was kind of portraying him as a dumb ignorant American 🇺🇸 who hates British people 🇬🇧, who hates English people 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿, and she had go in and say that her people invented the English language, and that it's Americans 🇺🇸 who have the funny or weird accents and pronunciations, not the English 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿.

She sounds kind of like one of those people who's overly proud of their English heritage 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿, and brags about being Anglo-Saxons. She might she's joking, but given how far she takes the joke, it kind of stops feeling like a joke. Like, those people who make "Nazi jokes," but then take it too far and just show Hitler speeches and Nazi propaganda. If you do it too much, it kind of raises suspicion 🤨. That's how I felt listening to Authentic Observer "joking" about being a British invader 🇬🇧, and telling Americans 🇺🇸 to "watch out." As a Native American, I'll be sure to keep note of that 😑.

Femininity ♀︎ is something that no one can really clearly define. Just like masculinity ♂︎, everyone has different opinions, and has different definitions on what they think femininity ♀︎ is and what it ought to be. And a lot of what we think of as feminine ♀︎ are things that have enforced or even created by patriarchy, and by these ridged gender roles, gender expectations, and binary. Women ♀︎ are supposed to be one thing, and men ♂︎ are supposed to be a different thing. They can't mix or interchange, or exhibit traits of the other.

In some ways, femininity ♀︎ and masculinity ♂︎ as we currently understand them, don't really exist. They're fake constructs that we've all decided to accept because it's comfortable to us. Anything outside of those, or anything mixes or interchanges between those makes uncomfortable. Most of us anyway. I find that when some men ♂︎ and some women ♀︎ talk about each other, often times, they talk about each other as if they're two completely different species.

Like men ♂︎ and women ♀︎ talk about each other as if they're from two different planets. You know, men ♂︎ are from Mars, women ♀︎ are from Venus, that sort of thing, it's what those symbols ♂︎♀︎ are all about. But, the truth is, we are not two different species, we are not from two different planets. We're the same species and we're from the same planet. And we must accept that, and work together, equally, recognizing each other's humanity.

And stop telling women ♀︎ that they have to be a different way. Let women ♀︎ be whatever they want to be. Let them behave, and dress however they want. If a woman ♀︎ wants to act and dress more "feminine ♀︎," and wear dresses 👗, heels 👠, makeup, and have long hair, then let them. If a woman wants to act and dress more "boyish ♂︎" or "masculine ♂︎," and wear t-shirts, jeans 👖, sweats, shorts 🩳, or wear baggy clothes, or suits and ties 👔, then let them, it's not a big deal.

The same goes for men ♂︎. If a man ♂︎ wants to act more typically "masculine ♂︎," and wear t-shirts, jeans 👖, sweats, shorts 🩳, or suits and ties 👔, then let them. If a man wants to dress more "feminine ♀︎," and wants to wear dresses 👗, or leggings, or panties, or wear heels 👠, or wear makeup or what whatever, then let them. The way people dress doesn't affect you personally, and is not the sign of femininity ♀︎ being erased or degraded. Maybe, the way people act does affect you, but only in the way if they're kind, respectful, or mean and hostile to you. Not if they act more "girly ♀︎" or more "boyish ♂︎." Gender expression should not be restricted.

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The Authentic Observer's video (caution ⚠️: the video's really long):